What People Get Wrong About Love and Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day. We love it or hate it, dependent on if we have a romantic partner. Ever since I was in school, we passed out Valentine’s to crushes or hoped we would receive one from an unrequited love. The greeting card industry, Hollywood, and advertising agencies remind us that we have to show and receive love from our partner through romantic gestures. There are so many things we get wrong, but here are 5 Truths about love and Valentine’s Day.

1. We Don’t Have To Wait For A Date.

The first time I heard of this concept was in Julia Cameron’s book The Artist Way. She encourages us to take ourselves on a weekly artist date. Oftentimes we wait for someone to go to that movie we have been longing to see or try out that new restaurant. Why wait for a date to do something you love?

Although this book is geared towards creatives, I loved the concept. I have offered it as a homework exercise for many clients.

· How will you treat yourself to an artist date?

2. Love Exists in Many Forms.

We know this in theory, but how often do you feel it? I’m so glad that the television show Parks and Recreation had an episode about Galentine’s Day, where girlfriends celebrate love for each other. Years after the show ended, memes still come around every February 13th. Love exudes in our friendships, family, co-workers, pets, community, or even with strangers.

· How does love show up in your life today?

3. You Can Still Love Exes And Old Crushes, It’s Ok.

There may be a debate about this concept. Some people think we need a clean break of all of our emotions about our exes and old crushes. We can still love them, as they were witnesses to our lives and who we once were. It doesn’t mean they have to stay in our lives in the same capacity or that we should still be in contact with them. But we can still love the place they had in that period in our lives. We helped shape each other.

· What lessons did you learn from your old flames?

4. Love Is Something That Happens To Us.

These days with online dating, we must swipe right, match with a partner, actually go on a date, have chemistry, and hope for a second date. There’s the term of “falling in love,” as if it is out of control. But love is not passive and doesn’t just happen to us if we have good luck. Love is a verb and an action we can engage in daily. Again, it doesn’t always have to be linked to romantic love. The other day I witnessed a tourist who bought two loaves of bread to feed to the birds. He didn’t expect anything in return or didn’t know anyone was watching him. Automatically afterwards, I saw a mother running with her child, but backed up slowly so her child can win. Both of these moments are love in action, and love is really all around if we open our eyes to see all the ways it arises.

· In what ways have you expressed love this week?

5. If You Can’t Love This Moment You Will Always Be Searching.

For many of us, happiness and love are something we are always striving for. If only I ______, then I will be happy. Fill in the blanks can range from get married, have a child, find the perfect job, take that dream vacation, make $1,000,000, or retire. Happiness is always over there. But the truth is once we arrive, we may find that it is fleeting. If we keep waiting for the right moment, we will always be waiting.

· How can we experience and love this moment right now?

· How can we remind ourselves to do this daily?

We explored in this blog post 5 Truths About Love and Valentine’s Day. Hopefully the reflection questions will help recall all the ways love exists in your life, regardless of your relationship status. Valentine’s Day is one day per year, but we need to remind ourselves how to show up and express love in all of it’s forms all other 364 days of the year.