Stopping Small Talk in 2020
I recently listened to a Jay Shetty podcast (link below), in which it was discussed how small talk can not just hinder our relationships with others but also ourselves. When we talk about superficial expected topics such as the weather, your mood, or what you do as a profession, our responses are rote. In some ways, we may respond in a robotic fashion. We have these conversations all the time, and therefore the answers are pre-planned. “I’m fine.” “The weather is miserable.” We do not allow the space for spontaneous genuine answers to occur.
During the podcast Shetty encouraged us to remove the following questions from our “Go To” conversation playlist. These are:
What do you do?
Where do you live? Vs where did you grew up (more interesting)?
Any question about the weather
How’s your journey here?
Jay shared part of his experience in attending a recent conference in Montana, sponsored by Irrational Labs. Thought leaders, entrepreneurs, researchers, psychologists, and celebrities attended this event, and small talk was illegal. This included the questions above, and many more. What was shared was cards containing more personal questions, as a way to deeper connect with those around them. What was discovered is deeper friendships formed at a quicker pace.
These 9 questions are just samples of ways to intensify talk more quickly.
9 questions to ask
1. What was the last lie you told, would u do it again ?
2. If your younger self met you today, what would make them happy and sad about you today ?
3. What situations make you feel awkward and why?
4. What did you buy recently that you now regret?
5. Have you ever been to jail? Arrested?
6. What do you think makes a person most attractive ? How are you on that scale?
7. If you really really really knew me you would know that — – -
8. What do you fight about most in romantic relationships ?
9. What would you talk about most in a one hour therapy session?
As I listened to the podcast, I took notes and opted to share them with my father and later two close friends. Automatically from sharing the intent behind these questions and reading aloud only one question, they all wanted the list of questions sent to them. They were excited for themselves to reflect on them and to share them with their loved ones. It was noted that when we ask deeper questions of others, we are also asking deeper questions of ourselves.
As a psychologist, I love this is being done. I’ve always loved The Book of Questions or any variation of that. It’s a heart warming relief to see the importance of conversation being shared and recognized. When we answer these questions with ourselves and others, it opens the potential for vulnerability to form. If the space is provided and we opt in to be vulnerable with others, true authentic connection is created.
If you are actually interested in asking deeper questions, pause and explore what those could be. Perhaps create your own list, or if you are interested Irrational Labs are selling these at this link. https://irrationallabs.org/no-small-talk/. I don’t have any affiliate marketing, but I just wanted to share.
